Oh Matt, you so funny 12

Asked for a reaction to former Packers teammate Brett Favre signing with the Vikings, Matt Hasselbeck:

"Oh, he did? I didn't hear that. Seriously? Wow. I was watching ESPN all day and never saw that. Didn't even know. Tell him congratulations."

Tweet Links

The addiction to Twitter continues to grow as we enter football season. Be sure to check out a bunch of great links on the right side of the blog, or follow me @Vishal620.

Women and Dogs again

With Michael Vick's return to the NFL dominating sports talk today, I thought it would be a nice chance to revisit an old discussion.

Uniform

Washington Redskins tight end and blogger Chris Cooley writes about some of the NFL's ridiculous fines for uniform infractions including:

$5000 fines
- High/Low whites on socks
- Pants not covering knees (no skin should show below the waist)
- Bandana
- Wrong nasal strip
- Hand towel alterations - towel must be 7 to 8 inches and have no tape on it
- Tape not the same color of the shoe.
- Jersey untucked (usually there is a warning for this one)
- Jersey cut too short
- Sleeves coming out of jersey - only QB can have this and only a certain amount can come out
- Chinstrap undone ($7500)

$10,000 fines
- Personal messages
- Any second offense fine
- Wrong attire 90 minutes previous and after a game - clothes must be Reebok apparel
- Tinted visor - must have a doctors note for a tinted visor

There is also a special fine schedule for the post season. The minimum fine in playoff games will be between 10 and 20 thousand dollars. The minimum in the NFC Championship is between 50 and 75 thousand and for the Super Bowl the minimum is 100 grand. It's been made very obvious the NFL and it's sponsors want the players to dress accordingly.

Adam on Peter

Adam Schefter pens a tribute piece to Peter King.

These are two of the best NFL columnists, and I cannot possibly imagine following football without them.

Is it football season yet?

Meetings

After another enjoyable and exhausting weekend in Vegas, I had to wake up early this morning in order to make an 8:30am meeting. Of course, I beat the Los Angeles traffic and am one of the first people to arrive at work only to find out that the meeting has been postponed to 10:00am. Alas, I now have some time to learn how other "meetings" go (via Rumors and Rants):

Pete Carroll’s meetings with his USC Trojans have become the stuff of internet legend over the past few seasons. From having players fake-arrested, to impromptu visits from Snoop Dogg and Will Ferrell, the coach Carroll tends to keep the teams meetings, like the rest of his program, on the light side of things.

Last night was no exception.

According to Ben Malcolmson’s USCRipsIt blog:

It was American Idol night at the start of USC's team meeting Sunday.

In a scene made for a movie, freshman linebacker Marquis Simmons wowed the Trojans with a rendition of "Lean on Me" that had the roomful of players, coaches and staffers standing, singing along, locking arms and swaying to the tune.

What started off as an impromptu sing-off between Simmons and fullbacks Stanley Havili and D.J. Shoemate at the onset of the meeting turned into a runaway for Simmons, who easily won thanks to never-before-seen audience participation that brought laughter, smiles and joy to all crammed in Heritage Auditorium on this Sunday night. And to top it all off, Coach Carroll played piano during the song, making it quite a festive environment.

An impromptu sing-off developed between fullbacks Stanley Havili, D.J. Shoemate and freshman linebacker Marquis Simmons. It culminated when Simmons’ rendition of “Lean on Me” was aided by audience participation. The result was the whole team chipping in to help the freshman - even Carroll, who accompanied him on the piano.

Congrats to Simmons for blowing away the competition and winning the contest.

In case you were wondering, my work meetings are nothing like this. Gotta love Corporate America.

Hall of Fame Bonding

It has become the ultimate cliche, a swollen self-parody of itself. But it's still the ultimate Hall of Fame male bonding place. That's why we went in June. And in July. And now in August. And we'll be back again.

And maybe in a few years we'll be sitting at that Saturday buffet talking about our wives, kids, and mortgages, but at least we'll still be laughing and busting each other's chops like always.

Vegas, baby.

Vegas.

Oh Shaq, you so funny

Shaquille O'Neal on Mason & Ireland in Los Angeles (via sportsradiointerview.com):

We heard you in an interview and your response to the worst player you ever saw was a tie between Kurt Rambis and Mychal Thompson. What didn’t you like about Thompson’s game?

“I never even really seen his game, they just told me to name some horrible players. Those were the guys that came to mind, never really waste your time and saying things as a youngster, ‘Oh, I wanna be like Mychal Thompson. Oooh, look at his baseline fadeaway. Wow. Daddy, can you teach me the Mychal Thompson fadeaway? Sure, son. Forget Kareem, let’s work on Mike’s moves. If I could be like Mike.”

What do you think of Kurt Rambis as a coach?

(Shaq makes distortion noises over the phone, hangs up and calls back). “That’s what I like about him, and if you ask me the same question again, I’ll lose another connection.”

You’ve played in all warm cities, do you have enough clothes for Cleveland?

“I have a lot of clothes, I just hope PETA doesn’t get upset when I bring out some of my old stuff. (Host: You gonna break out the old fur?) I didn’t use that word! I just said old stuff. I just said stuff.”

Rashard Lewis was suspended for taking testosterone, do you think a lot of NBA players are taking performance enhancing steroids?

“I don’t think, I’m gonna go with no. However, I can say, a lot of guys including myself, we do go in to these GNC stores and for example, we look at a bottle and it says, ‘Fan Man Buster Plus’ and it has a nice little picture on the thing, we’ll buy it without even doing the research or looking at it. But, I think now guys really have to look and see what’s on the back so we’re not taking anything. But, again, most people when they read the labels they just buy it, ‘Fat Booty Buster Plus - lose your fat booty in 10 days.’ But, I don’t think the guy was like, ‘Let me use a steroid.’ I’ve known Rashard a long time and he’s not that type of guy.”

LA vs SC

Rick Reilly checks in with a great column about UCLA challenging USC's monopoly of football in Los Angeles.

2009-10 NBA Schedule

ESPN's Chris Sheridan has a well balanced and rather humorous rundown of the NBA's season schedule.

Patron, Tequila

There are tons of worthwhile stories to follow as NFL training camps open, but this one takes the...tequila.

Summer League in Vegas

After my legendary 21st birthday weekend in Vegas last month, my cousin decided that we needed to return in July for his own birthday weekend. While I have been to Vegas tons of times as a kid, this recent double dip in Vegas as an adult has allowed us to since accumulate loads of epic stories that are indeed Hangover-esque. Vegas has certain places that all men must simply shell out and experience for themselves. Words cannot express how amazing clubs like Tao, Moon, and Playboy are. For the purposes of this rant though, let's focus on the fact that our last Vegas trip happened to overlap with the NBA Summer League:

• We choose to stay at Palms Casino which is run by the Maloof brothers, owners of the NBA's Sacramento Kings. Palms is off the Strip, making it affordable for the younger crowd and a hotspot for ballers and celebrities.

• Just for kicks, I am going to randomly sprinkle in names of just some of the many notable people we happened to run into or interact with while walking around the casino in between my random thoughts...

• Jamario Moon, Devean George, Greg Anthony
  

• The life of an NBA player is lonely. Granted, majority of the Summer League participants are 18-20 year olds who are far removed from their comfort zones, are too young to really do anything in Vegas, and have yet to cash in on the NBA riches so consequently are not rolling with entourages. That being said, it still sort of surprised me to see so many players wandering around alone, grabbing McDonald's after a Saturday night game, and seemingly having a lot less fun than we were.

• Jermaine O'Neal
  

• The crowd at Summer League is something else. Instead of having some 19,000 random people, say at Staples Center, who happen to be either rich enough to afford those overpriced tickets or stumbled into them by some chance, the couple thousand people at Cox Pavilion and the Thomas & Mack at UNLV all want to be there. For just $20, you get an all day pass to both arenas. If you know anything about Vegas, there is absolutely nothing else of value that you can do for just a cool $20 bill. So now, these games are affordable enough and yet far enough so that you get a crowd of fellow basketball enthusiasts who can easily afford it and all want to be there. The conversations you hear in front and behind you are exactly the ones we fellow geeks have and love so much. Everyone knows their stuff, everyone knows everything about their teams, and so everyone learns from each other. Hell, there was even one attractive woman who knew more about the Clippers Summer League roster than I did.

• Kenyon Martin
  

• Shaun Livingston may have been the best player on the young and promising Stolen Sonics. He looks good and seems to always be calm and in control, consistently making smart plays and good passes. If he keeps improving at this pace, the Thunder got yet another brilliant steal...get it?

• Kevin Durant
  

• Vegas was True Clipper Fan Central. There were loads of longtime and diehard Clipper fans who made the drive to Vegas. The Summer League was essentially a bunch of Clipper home games, fully equipped with Clipper Darrell's trademark chants and waves. Obviously number one overall pick Blake Griffin was the main attraction, but future centerpieces DeAndre Jordan and Eric Gordon made the Clippers the one summer league team that had the most significant overlap with their real roster.

• Baron Davis and Corey Maggette. Go figure.
  

• Blake Griffin. Take this all with a grain of salt, because it is Summer League and the number one pick is supposed to tear it up there. That being said, Griffin could not have looked better. Normally big rookies are still coming into their own and learning how to control their large bodies. Griffin has mastered his, knows his abilities, and has great balance and control of his body. We even caught him coaching up DeAndre Jordan, who has a full year of NBA experience under his belt that Blake does not. Blake is a beast on the boards and has the athleticism to run and handle the ball. Knowing that he was the star of the summer league, opposing players were playing dirty with him and we even witnessed him getting thrown to the ground and suffering the shoulder injury. Give him credit for shrugging it all off and toughing it out. When teams started loading the box on him and double teaming him, he made many smart passes that will pay off when you have the likes of Baron Davis and Eric Gordon running around the perimeter. Hats off to the Summer League MVP, and here's hoping that the Clippers don't screw up this soon to be All-Star.

• DeAndre Jordan may benefit the most from being exposed to Blake's solid fundamentals. Jordan has the habit of chasing blocks instead of boxing out and rebounding. But from watching him all season long and this summer in person, he has already improved in a variety of ways. Of course, DeAndre got a a bunch of impressive alley-oop throwdowns, and had a fun entourage in the crowd to react to and with immediately afterward. Ready for a bold statement? DeAndre Jordan has the athleticism of a very raw Dwight Howard or...wait for it...Shawn Kemp.

• Baron Davis entered the building to a round of applause and waves. He sat down with Mike Dunleavy and was actually talking and smiling (!?) with him throughout the game. This caused Clipper Darrell to not only Tweet about it immediately, but run over during a timeout and give them both a giant bear hug.

• That was not even the funniest moment of the day. That honor goes to seeing and hearing the head coach of the Washington Wizards summer league team, Sam Cassell. When he gets an NBA head coaching job, there needs to be a reality show that just follows a mike'd up Sam Cassell. The great thing about the summer league is that with free seating and no loud in game music or arena effects, we can listen in on the players, coaches, and referees. Cassell was by far the most hilarious and interesting coach I have ever witnessed. During a pair of free throws, he walked on the court just to chat with his old buddy Kim Hughes. During a timeout he wandered off to crack some jokes with Clipper Darrell. The best though, was when he was screaming defensive assignments to the Wizards: "Get up on him! Get up on him! Get up! Get up!" And as the Clippers rotate the ball and hit a three, he screams loudly enough for everyone in the building to finally hear, "F@#%!"

• Some rich and flashy front office executive who got pissed at me for hitting at the Blackjack table and stealing his card.

• Twitter is changing the world, and this is very evident in Vegas. It was cool to follow bloggers like Kevin Arnovitz and Marc Stein who are sitting right by you writing about the events that are happening write in front of you. By following the players and celebrities themselves, we were able to find out who was were at any given time, and it just a surreal feeling to find out who is hanging out at the same places we were.

• Buffet. Ballers. Blackjack. Enough said.

• Tracy McGrady...who never stood up from the poker table.

• Paul Pierce...wearing a green polo of course.
  

• Hugh Heffner and that one popular Playmate
  

• And finally...wait for it...Mike Tyson!
  

• One last thought about Vegas in general. Drinking is fun. Gambling is fun, perhaps even occasionally profitable. We all agree sports is fun in every manner. Clubbing can be fun. And girls are fun. But throw all these elements together...in Vegas!? Oh my.

Bitter and Sad

Still.

My Life is Desi

I may be a little delusional after so many long hours of working and driving, but I literally shed tears while laughing at these hilarious Desi Jokes.

A Christian Nation

I could easily spew out a passionate rant about our flawed country, but I implore you to give this video a chance to do so instead.

We were once a Christian Nation. And an amazingly blessed one at that. Count your blessings, folks

Cheesecake

A Love Story...

...about the Cheesecake Factory

Fortunate 50

Sports Illustrated details the 50 top earning athletes in America

Crazy

Yours truly is in the midst of the most ridiculous and eventful one month period of his life. While I continue to adjust to a completely different life on personal and professional levels, I assure you that I will chime in on the crazy madness lately:

• The Lakers won the title and deservedly so. Let us keep in mind that they did so without ever meeting or beating a healthy Houston Rockets team, a healthy San Antonio Spurs team, a healthy Boston Celtics team, and the Cleveland Cavaliers. So before we declare them to be the best team of the year, remember how the cards fell for them to when the title.
• We have not seen Dwight Howard and Jameer Nelson peak.
  
• We have seen Shaq peak.
  
• We have not seen Lebron James peak.
• We have seen Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson peak.
• The era of the quick point guard is only beginning. I am looking at you, Mr. Longoria.
  
• The anticipation and preparation for the summer of 2010 continues to build.
  
• The USA Soccer team stunning Spain and advancing is a story that deserves to be followed, written about, and talked about...if only Americans knew enough to do so.
• Oh yeah, we have the NBA Draft tonight. Expect more madness to follow.
  

Weather Report

Weather Report:

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about.

A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture, such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in language that street people can understand because one of the problems in New Orleans is that regular folks couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I can hear it now: A Houston weatherman says:

"Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo' Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo' da nearest guv'ment office fo yo FREE shit!"

Disney Finals

Considering every game of the NBA Finals is broadcast on ABC/ESPN and takes place just miles away from either Disneyland or DisneyWorld, I am surprised that Disney has not jumped all over this dream marketing opportunity aside from just a measly t-shirt.